How to Survive the Newborn Stage?

“Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn’t know you had and dealing with fears you didn’t know existed. “        
                                                                                                - Linda Wooten

It was past midnight. I badly want a shower. I’m hungry again. I’m also so tired and sleepy. Yet I can’t take care any of my needs because of the wailing baby in my arms. Our little Queen B had been fussy since early evening. I have tried all soothing techniques I know. I nursed her despite my sore nipples but it only worked for a short period of time. It just made my breast more engorged than before. I rocked her to sleep but my back and arms were hurting already for carrying her for hours. I swaddled her. I turned on the White Noise app on my phone. I sang. I tried all burping positions. Nothing seems to work. My baby had turned into a little monster. Out of my wits’ end, I laid her on the bed a little roughly than I should and I just started to cry with her thinking I’m not fit to be a mother. That is the scene J saw when he arrived from work.

I wish I can tell any future mom that the scenario I just described happened only once but that will be an outright lie. In fact, it occurred numerous times during Georgina’s first three weeks of life. There were several moments when I had wondered why I even wanted a baby in the first place. I am ashamed to admit that thoughts of covering her face with a pillow just so I would never have to hear her cries crossed my mind.  Thankfully, my love for this unknown creature surpassed every emotion I had at those moments.

The first three weeks of a baby’s life is definitely a difficult stage for every parent especially for the mother. More so if one is a first time mom like me. Here is a being whose very survival depends on my ability to determine and provide her needs. No examination I had ever taken (and I have taken a lot!) drained my brain the way taking care of my baby in her newborn stage did. So how was I able to survive? Here are my advices to keep your insanity intact in this thorny phase.

1. Read up on newborn care.

Newborns are fragile and sensitive creatures so unless you have been around babies all your life I suggest learning as much as you can about taking care of them before he or she makes their appearance. The book What to Expect the First Year is an easy to read book for this. I just bought my copy from the local second hand bookstore. It contains guidelines on almost every imaginable situation you may encounter with your baby. Not a fan of reading? Watch it on videos like in Youtube (Tip: You can watch it with your husband so he can share the tasks and decisions with you).

A good guidebook for first time moms. 

Some of the parenting magazines I acquired in preparation for my journey into motherhood. 

So what do you need to know? First, read up on feeding babies. You have to decide beforehand whether you will breastfeed or give the formula from the start. They both have their own advantages and disadvantages. Different preparation from you is needed so you must decide which works for you. Next, learn about baby’s output (urine and poop) as this will be your basis if your LO (little one) is getting enough to drink and is thriving. Read up also on bathing your baby (there are different ways to do this, some may work for you and your baby while others will be a terrible experience for both mom and baby as what happens to my little Queen B’s first bath), cleaning the umbilical cord, cleaning their nose and ears, and washing their private parts. These are just for starters. Taking care of a newborn is (well, for me) comparable to learning a new branch of Chemistry. So learn as much as you can and hopefully at least half of what you read you will be able to practice.

2. Set up the nursery room.

I recommend at least a month before your due date. Remember, once you reached 37 weeks that baby may come out anytime soon so you have to make space for her and all her things. (If you are at risk of preterm labour, you must do this much earlier.) You will definitely have no time to set up the nursery room after you had arrived from the hospital. Besides, you have to wash every linen and disinfect every piece of furniture your baby will use.

In our case, J and I decided to co-sleep with our baby at least for the first year so changes in our room must be done. My bookcase had been turned into a cabinet for our little Queen B’s toiletries, accessories, and diapers. We removed my study table and replaced it with Georgina’s playpen. We also did our first run of baby proofing the whole room. (Another run is happening soon as our baby is learning to crawl)

All items that will be needed regularly should be placed in areas of easy access. You want the diapers at arm’s reach during middle of the night changing. I also have a box that contains our baby’s lotion, facial cream, diaper cream, cotton buds, wipes, water for cleaning purposes, and hair brushes. I just carry this box wherever I want or sometimes needed to clean and change her.

3. Stock up on diapers, baby wipes, and cotton.

Newborns poop on their diapers almost every after feeding session. 8 dirty diapers a day are our lowest while 12 is our highest. So buy a lot unless you want to add an emergency trip to the grocery store on your already full list of things to do. Also, have samples of different brands. We are fortunate that our baby is compatible with the two brands we bought. We only have few leakage accidents. Other moms had to go through all known brands of diapers until they find the one that works best for their babies.

We are now doing cloth diapering but I personally advise for first time parents to use disposables at least for the first month.  Cloth diapers are actually easy to use but the laundry duty will be daunting for first time users especially with a newborn’s knack of pooping after every meal. After the first month, the number of dirty diapers significantly drops.

4. For those who are planning to breastfeed, read about engorgement and nipple soreness and ready all the things that may help you go through with it. Steel yourself for the pain that you will surely experience.

There is a saying “The first 3 weeks of breastfeeding are the hardest. After 6 weeks it starts getting easier. By 3 months you feel sorry for moms who have to make formula”. This is so true.

Part of what make the newborn stage very difficult for me is my decision to breastfeed. One day into breastfeeding, my nipples were very tender that I can’t bear even my hospital gown to touch it. Nipple creams and hot compresses only offer temporary relief. Aside from that, engorgement happened on the fourth day. My breasts literally felt like rocks.

So how did I endure it? First of all, I know beforehand that I will experience this and I still chose to breastfeed. I am determined to give the best milk for my baby. With that mindset, half of the battle is already won. Similar to learning a new skill, biking for example, you know you will get bruises in the process but since you really want to learn you will continue practicing until you master it. Next is the actual endurance of the pain. Sorry, you really just have to endure it. The nipples have to toughen and the fastest way for that to happen is with continuous latching of your baby. So just close your eyes, grit your teeth, and tell yourself over and over that you are doing this for your baby. Seeing the yellow mustard poop on her diaper every day makes me happy because I know she is getting enough milk.

As for engorgement, I don’t know how to hand express so I used my breast pump to ease the heaviness. Take note that breastfeeding advocates do not advise pumping before six weeks to avoid over supply. I just pumped enough milk to soften my breast enough so my baby can latch on properly.

A nursing pillow is also a must for breastfeeding moms. During the newborn stage, I did not nurse in the side lying position because I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep and smother my baby with my body. I generally do the cradle hold but this can be tiring after a while. The nursing pillow is a great help for my achy arms especially during middle of the night feedings when I’m already half-asleep.

5. Sleep when the baby is sleeping.

Actually, stock up on sleep while you are still pregnant. I know sleeping is a tricky process during pregnancy since you are not allowed to sleep on your back but sleeping on your side is better than not getting any at all. Sleep deprivation is a major complaint of all new parents especially a nursing mother so this favorite advice of a lot of moms who had been there is a must.

For the first few days I have to do unli-latching to stimulate my breast to produce milk. Any time she wants to suck I have to offer my breast. Once the milk comes in, I have to feed her every 2 to 2.5 hours. Even if she just wants to sleep I have to wake her up so she will not miss a feeding session. A feeding session may last for 30 minutes and then I have to burp her for another 30 minutes. I also have to check her diaper if it needed changing and if it does that is another 5-10 minutes. Only after that I can take my much deserved rest and sleep.

I usually take an afternoon nap with my baby. If I’m lucky I can get a 2-hour nap.

6. Have someone to help you (aside from your husband, unless he will take an extended leave).

In the childbirth class we attended, husbands were advised to look for someone to help their wives at least for the first two weeks after giving birth. Personally, I recommend having help at least for the first three weeks unless the husband himself can take an extended leave (paternity leave in the Philippines is only for 7 days). This someone can be your mom, mother-in-law, or any good hearted relative. We are already living with my mom so J does not have to worry about that anymore.

Having help means you no longer have to worry about the household chores being done. You can concentrate on taking care of your baby and yourself, too. Giving birth is called labour because it is requires intensive physical effort from our bodies. I know I didn’t really experience labour as I described here but a CS delivery is a major operation. Those who have undergone a CS delivery actually needed more recuperation time.

Sadly, it took me quite some time to realize the importance of this advice because of my pride. I wanted to be a supermom, the one who can handle everything on her plate so instead of resting as much as I can I am still busy doing household chores. I realized this mistake when one day I am so tired that I really wanted to just rest the whole day but no one is preparing our lunch. My family was expecting me to do it since I have been doing it for the past few days. At that time, I am so disappointed with them because of their lack of consideration towards me.  J arrived from work with me crying again because of that incident.

Thankfully, J explained to me that if I wanted help I should simply ask and not expect people to read my mind. After that day, I let them do most of the household chores.

7. Have a sinful comfort food once a day.

Nutritious meals are a must for every mom to keep up with the physical demands of motherhood so I made sure that my breakfast, lunch, and dinner are composed of foods full of nutrients and can boost my milk supply. Yet taking care of a newborn is also emotionally draining so J sort of rewards me with different comfort foods as my midnight snacks.

Cheeseburger. Siopao. Chocolate cake. Fried chicken. Ice cream. Sushi. Almost all the foods I avoided as much as possible during my pregnancy. After just a few bites I felt recharged and ready to face another feeding session with my baby.

J was unable to give the flowers I would like to have in my hospital room after giving birth so he surprised me with this cake instead a week after which started my midnight snacking reward.

 8. Stock up on books to read or series to watch.

Since I have to nurse round the clock, I need some diversions (especially during middle of the night feedings when I’m so sleepy) to entertain me while I feed my little Queen B and later on burp her. I was able to catch up on some of my favourite series and even watched the first season of How to Get Away With Murder. Even J who is already tired after his day at the office and his 1 or 2 hours of taking care of George while I take care of my needs will watch an episode or two of this addicting series with me.

No more difficulty in staying awake with this exciting and addicting new series.

I was also able to read some of my mommy books especially the one given to me by our pastor’s wife where my next advice came from.

9. Believe in the sayings “It gets easier as your baby grows older” and “This too shall pass”.

Karen Hull’s The Mommy and Daddy Book helped me overcome my insecurities about my ability to take care of my precious baby. I learned from this book that all babies have their fussy period and it is common for a mom to doubt herself during this time. As all moms have experienced this stage shall pass and as I get to know my baby more I will be able to determine her needs and wants faster making things easier for the two of us.

A must read for all new moms!

We should be reminded that our babies just came out of our womb. Their previous environment is very different from the outside world. They are still coping. As they adjust, it will be easier to take care of them. The third week was extra challenging because that is when the first growth spurt occurs. I remember rocking my baby to sleep from 6 pm to 10 pm non-stop. Fortunately, she is not a heavy baby to start with but as my arms tire out the less than 3 kg baby in my arms feels like a 10-kg. I thought the growth spurt will never end but it did.

The growth spurt at 3 months and the various wonder weeks had been less taxing on me as I had already experienced it before and is now better equip in handling those periods.

Lastly,

10. Pray, pray, and pray.

Whenever I think I’m nearing the end of my patience and strength, I just turn to God in prayer. I ask him for a little more strength, a little more patience. During the course of my prayer, I will be reminded of the other set of prayers I had done 10 months ago. I had prayed for a child and He answered my prayer. I remembered the gratitude and excitement I had felt when I found I’m pregnant. I remembered the promises I had given that I will do my best to take care of His gift. At that moment, love for this cranky baby in my arms washes over me. That love refuels my strength and patience. That love is more than enough to get me through until my baby finally sleeps so peacefully in my arms. I knew then that our Lord had once again answered my prayer.

  

With my little Queen B a month after her birth. Yipee! We survived the newborn stage!

Of course, I would not be able to survive the newborn stage without the support and help of my wonderful husband. Actually, finding a husband who will not only be there with you but also share the enormous responsibility of parenthood with you is also an advice that I hope ladies of generations to come will follow. I am indeed blessed.

I hope my advices will be able to help any mom-to-be. I am just at the beginning of my mommy journey. There are a lot more difficult stages I have to go through but as with the newborn stage I know I will be able to survive. In advance, I would already like to thank my husband, other seasoned moms from whom I will turn for advices also, my own mom and family, authors of various books about parenting, and most of all, the giver of my wisdom and strength, our Lord Father.

#xoxo

P.S. It had taken me quite a while to finish this blog post. Last week was another challenging week for me as I handle another set of wonder weeks with my little Queen B.